In honor of...

 On 7 Jun 1925 in Browns Creek Township, Jewell County, Kansas, Dale Ellsworth Birdsell was born to Roscoe Oren and Thelma Marie Larison Birdsell. He was their second child. An almost two year old sister, Inez Lucille also welcomed him into her life. This is a picture of the house where the happy family would live for four more years. A little over two years later, they welcomed Leo Eugene into their home.

On 31 August 2008, Dale, known as Dad to me, left us in Cawker City, Mitchell County, Kansas.

While this is the anniversary of his death, I hope this pictural post honors his life.

It was a good life. Dad was born on a farm and spent most of his life on a farm. I don't think there was ever a point in his life where he did not think of himself as a farmer. Even during the years when he worked for the railroad, farming was in his blood.

 Even after he moved to town in 1992, in his heart, he was still a farmer.

This is a rare picture of Dad's mother. Here she is with her two sons, Dad and Uncle Leo.

She passed away less than two years after this picture was taken.

Proof that even our parents were children once.

By the time we arrive in their lives, we assume they were born knowing everything.

The picture of Dad and Aunt Inez hugging is one of my favorites. That closeness they shared in that picture was sustained for the rest of their lives.

Proof that our parents went to school, too.

And they fell in love.

 

Sometimes Dad kicked back and relaxed after a hard day on the farm.

And there was always time for his grandchildren. Even when the grandchildren weren't happy.

After a long life, Dad grew tired. I wasn't sure if I should include this picture, but it is as much a part of Dad's life as all those pictures before this one. 

He lived his life to the fullest. He loved, laughed, knew sorrow, knew joy, knew hardships, knew good times. He lived his life completely. 

Dad, you are still missed, but this is not to mourn your death. 

This is to honor the life that you so graciously shared with me for 51 years and ten months. Thank you for allowing me to share so much of it.

You earned your peaceful rest. 

1925-2008

When the lost are found

Most of us have many lost relatives in our trees. As a rule, the sisters seem to disappear more often than the brothers.

Men rarely change their names. Perhaps they were called by their middle name as a child and then used their given name as an adult or vice versa. Not always, but often enough, there's enough clues to tie the given and middle name users together. It's much harder if it's a female who was known by either a given or middle name as a child, then switched to the other as an adult, usually about the time they took a husband and brand new last name.

Marriage records can be found, but sometimes, often enough it's almost impossible to find them on some of our relatives from long ago.

In my case, I knew my great, great grandfather had an older sister. I had a fairly good idea the names of his younger sisters, but no clue what his older sisters name was, or might be. All I knew was in the 1830 census there was a female and in the 1840 census there was a female that might be this sister. The age wasn't exactly correct, but I'd long suspected that she was born during a census year, so if the enumeration happened prior to her birthday, the age would fit.

Still, it's very hard to track down a person when the only information you have is a probable year of birth and a surname.

Deep down, I suspected she lived to adulthood. The reasoning behind this belief was that there's a cemetery where all the family was buried prior to when she would have reached adulthood. There was not a female that fit her buried there. Her baby brothers were buried there. Her mother was buried there. A cousin was buried there. A probable infant aunt was buried there. But no one that would fit her information was buried there, even as limited as the information was.

I couldn't find a marriage record that fit her.

I expected she would be the great unknown. The one I never located or knew anything about.

Then last week my cousin stopped by and we compared genealogy notes. There was so much information being passed back and forth. He gave me a copy of the notes he was working on regarding another shared family line. I glanced at it, but didn't read it at that time. It was a line that I've only flirted with, but haven't really studied. I set the notes aside for another day.

Early in the week, Monday or Tuesday. I believe it was Tuesday. I found the notes and read through them. Buried in the notes pertaining to another line of our ancestors was a name that I hadn't seen before that pertained to my great, great grandfathers line. Who was this woman.

Since the family she was staying with had been misspelled it took some time to find the actual image of the census where she was listed by name. Also her surname was misspelled. There she was. The probable sister of my great, great grandfather. The one I suspected would be lost forever.

I emailed a distant cousin. The one I share all my finds, proven and unproven, with. She mentioned that someone by that name married Oscar Smith. Off I went to find Oscar Smith in the next census for that area. There they were. A probable step child suggesting that my great, great grandfather's sister was a second wife, plus two children who were probably blood relatives. The son did not appear to live to adulthood. The daughter did. She married and had 8 children, six of who appeared to live to adulthood.

As I did a quick look at family trees for this new line, I saw names that I've been studying for so long, assuming my family had married into them at some point.

I can't say with 100% accuracy that this is the family of my great, great grandfather's sister, but I'm 95% sure it is.

Accept that some of our family might never be found, but learn what you can about them so you will recognize them if they do appear.

Now if I could stumble upon what happened to Uncle Milton McCune.

Ancestral Families

All one has to do is look at the various state and federal censuses to get a picture of our ancestral families.

Not only do we learn their location in a specific county and township, but how close they were to their family. It's very common to see several generations within one household. Another common tendency is to see several households within one section of land.

In my own family, in 1912, Mariah Birdsell lived in the home she had with her husband William. Also in that home was their son, Oscar and his wife, Mary. The four children of Oscar and Mary also lived there. Did they have family problems? I'm sure they did. Mary was very ill and died in April. That's one type of problem.

Was there unresolved issues between Oscar and his mother? Perhaps. Perhaps not.

Our ancestors were not perfect. I'm sure many of them did things that would make us hang our heads in shame. I'm sure they offended each other to various degrees. I'm sure there was friction.

But when multiple families are living in the same household or when three families are living in three different buildings on the same 160 acres, the chances are extremely high that any major difference has been resolved.

Lately, I've been thinking about Marion and Albert. Did they leave so they could own land? Or did they leave because things couldn't be resolved and that was the best way to resolve them? Or was it a combination of both?

We'll probably never know for sure.

The sisters are easier to figure out. They stayed because their husband stayed. They left because their husband left.

Did Oscar and Art stay because they wanted to? Or did they stay because there were no other sons to take over what their mother and father had built for them? Sometimes that is why the one who stays, stays. There's no one left but them to continue on and they feel it's their obligation to keep it all intact.

But back to our ancestral families. We don't know why they did the things they did. We don't know if they really did resolve their problems or not. It just seems more likely that they were able to do so when they all lived so closely together. Not only did they live in a small space, but they depended on each other to do their fair share. Their survival depended on it.

Also because they lived in such close quarters, one would imagine that if someone did something that the majority found unacceptable they would be forced to remedy those tendencies. One would think that. But looking at it now, a hundred years later, we really don't know. We can only guess using what we ourselves know about how things are today.

Our ancestral families weren't perfect. But they're ours.

Our living family aren't perfect. But they're ours.

As long as there are families some will love, some will hate, some will hurt, some will disappear. Perhaps all in the same family. Probably very much like what happened in our ancestral families.

My most used collection

There are a lot of collections at ancestry.com. Some I'm not even aware of at this point.

Not only does ancestry.com have a very large database of collections, there are millions of family trees stored there, too. Some are public and some are private.

I know the family trees are favorites to a lot of people. Before I give my thoughts on the family trees, let me change topics for a second.

Right now my profession is in the medical field. I work in the laboratory. There are some things that a co-worker can start and I'll finish for them without redoing the work they have already done. There is one area within the laboratory that if you start the test, you finish it. Or at the very least, you finish that step. It's the area where I've yet to meet a professional who is willing to put their name on the results that a co-worker started.

I treat genealogy like that specific area of the laboratory. I put my name on information I've researched myself. I attach documents to the ancestors that I've examined myself.

I have been known to check some of the tree hints, but I very rarely use them. Out of the millions of trees out there, out of the thousands pertaining to various family lines, I actually look at trees created by less than five people as a source of where I might go next. Each of these tree owners know I do look at their tree. They also have access to mine.

I believe their research. I trust their research. But other than those very few members, I rarely look at other trees. Therefore, the family tree collection is not my most used collection. It's my least used of the collections that I've actually used.

My most used collection has always been and will probably continue to be the Federal Censuses. It's still the quickest way to get an idea about where your ancestor might have been during that year. Since they are indexed, most of the times is a very quick way to find them.

The searches are based on how you spell the surname, and all the close matches to surnames that sound like that surname. You'll get a lot of results that aren't your ancestor. You'll get some that might be your ancestor. You might not get a result that's specific to your ancestor. If you can't find your ancestor in a specific census year it does not mean that they were not enumerated. Perhaps they weren't. But don't blindly assume that since you didn't find great, great, great grandpa in 1820 with a quick search that he must have been out of country at the time...or dead.

The indexers have a very hard job. Some of the images of the census pages are very hard to read. They are indexing images from pages that are at times over 200 years old. Some of those pages have gotten wet. Some of them have had a lot of wear and tear on them. Some of those enumerating the population have horrible handwriting. Some of them could not spell. Some of those enumerated, especially in the pre-1850 Federal Censuses were counted, but not named. I found a hospital in New York. It lists the patients, but only as a total number of males in the various age groups.

I have found a few pages in the 1810 Federal Census that were not indexed.

Once a person accepts the limitations of those indexed, then those Federal Census records are very handy tools to use. They will get us to where our ancestor was during that enumeration period. Once we know where they were at that time, we can then search all the other collections specific to that state, county and township.

What do you do if you can't find them in the index? Do you know where they might have been? If so, go to that state, county and township and search the actual images, page by page. If you think you know the county, but not the township, then search every township in that county. Same idea if you are fairly sure which state, but not which county. In my case, I suspect the state, but I have no idea which county or township. I am searching every township in every county. When I'm finished, unless I specifically find his name, I can't state that he wasn't there. If he was in an institution he won't be listed. Or is he one of those names that is impossible to read enough of the letters to exclude that entry?

I suspect the Federal Census collection will always be one of the most used collections no matter where they're stored, digitally and on microfilm.

Genealogical Irony

In genealogy we spend our time finding ancestral relationships. In the process we are thrilled when we stumble upon a living relative who shares our passion and we actually become not only extended family, but friends. Those are wonderful things that can happen to the genealogist. 

All family is important to us. Those who lived before us and those who are now living and those who are yet to come. We love them all, obviously on different levels.

So it is with irony, but very mixed emotions when I admit that this genealogist willingly and knowingly severed a family relationship. That person is still blood family. Even if there was a way to severe that tie, I wouldn't. But the emotional tie has been severed. 

I know a lot of people who have a healthy positive relationship with this person. My experience has been the opposite. The experiences of my children from this family member has been as equally negative. It was with a mixture of deep regret, regret for the dream of what our relationship should have been like, and relief, relief that I no longer have to pretend everything is wonderful, that I severed the relationship.

Anytime you divorce a spouse or a family member, you aren't mourning the relationship. If the relationship was there to begin with the divorce would not have happened. During these times the mourning is for the dream that we finally had to admit was nothing more than a dream, because that person had never full filled their end of the relationship roll. Perhaps neither of us full filled our rolls. 

The point is, it's usually a toxic relationship for at least one if not both parties involved. With that type of a relationship never really changes, it's time to end it. Sever it. Let each person lick their wounds, heal and get on with their lives, apart from each other.

May very few people ever have to do this in their life. I wouldn't wish this on anyone. I didn't wish it on this family member either, but it's the only way for us to move past the damage that has been done. 

I still love the idea of what we should have been. 

I absolutely hate what we were though. I abhor the damage that was done. 

Now I'm going to pull my husband and children around me and let them help me heal. I hope that other person can pull their spouse and children around them and help them heal, too. 

Connecting facts to form a conclusion

The only thing that a genealogist can use to prove something are facts. You may never find one document that proves a statement with concrete proof. However, if you find enough documents you'll begin to paint a picture of your ancestor's life.

Facts are great things to have. Intuition is nice, but intuition doesn't really prove anything. You might have an intuition to look for a specific document because something doesn't add up. You may or may not find that document. You may run into a problem I ran into, I found a document, but there were so many people in that particular area of the country with that exact same name I can't prove or disprove that document belongs to my ancestor.

In my family we have a great debate.

The great Birdsell debate pertains to which brother married Margaret the mother of William Birdsell, my great, great grandfather.

For me, the facts are very cut and dry. There is not one specific document that states who his father is. For that matter, the truth is, what we're trying to determine is what family he was born into. I have no way of knowing if his mother was happily married and faithful to her husband. I have no way of knowing if she was ever raped. Without knowing any of the answers to those possible scenarios, we can only attempt to learn which family he was born into. Not actually "prove" that his mother was always true or never compromised.

Let's start with the two brothers. The two in question are Abram AKA Abraham and Reuben. According to various census records, Abram was born around 1805 in NY state. The census records I've used for determining approximate age and place of birth are the 1850-1880 Federal Census. In 1850 Abram was in Waterford Twp, Washington Co., Ohio living in the Obediah Preston household with his presumed daughter, Letitia, who appears to be 16, and born in Ohio. In 1860-1880 Abram is located in Windsor Twp, Morgan Co., Ohio. Each census states place of birth as NY state. The year varies, but is pretty consistant with a birth of approximately 1805 +/- 3 years.

Next we'll look at Reuben. In 1850 he's listed in the household of Martin Birdsell, his presumed father, in Harmar Twp, Washington Co., Ohio. It lists his age as 32 with a birth year of around 1818 and a birth state of NY. Also listed in that household are Mary, presumed wife of Martin, William, age 17, born in Ohio, John H, age 13, born in Ohio and Jane, age 11, born in Ohio.

I believe this is the census that creates the debate. Oh, Reuben is the father of the three children, since Martin and Mary are of the age to where Mary was too old to give birth to those children. It does reason that the three younger children are the grandchildren of Martin and Mary. The flaw is naturally assuming they are Reuben's children.

First, Reuben is 32 years old and William is 17. While it is possible that Reuben could have fathered William, it is not probable. Even in 1832 when William was born, it was not common for 15 year old males to be married. Despite what many like to claim, in my research, it wasn't all that common for 15 year old females to be married either. At least among my ancestors.

The first thing that I needed was a marriage record. Almost everyone was in agreement that William's mother was Margaret Carolle. Could I find a marriage record for her?

It so happens that a trip over to FamilySearch.org resulted in a marriage record between Abram Birdsil and Margaret Carolle on 4 Dec 1828 in Washington Co., Ohio.

Alone the only thing that proves is that Abram and Margaret were married. It doesn't prove that they ever had any children.

The next document that I looked for was the 1830 Federal Census for Waterford Twp., Washington Co., Ohio. Abraham Birdsel is listed. In his household is a female under age 5 and another female who is age 20-30. Abram is also listed as age 20-30. My next goal is to attempt to learn where Reuben is living in 1830. Martin Birdsel is listed two households above Abraham Birdsel. There is a male in that household that fits Reuben's age, 10-15. There is a second young male there, age 5-10. This is Martin and Mary's youngest son. This one is also the reason I've discarded the possibility that Martin and Mary could be the grandparents of Reuben and Abram. They had a younger son after they moved to Ohio around 1820. I won't go into the documents I have supporting that this youngest son is their son and not their grandson. My goal here is to list the documents that I've located that points to William being the son of Abram and Margaret, not Reuben and Margaret.

There are several tax records located at FamilySearch.org for Abram or Abraham Birdsell in Waterford Twp., Washington Co., Ohio throughout those years, too.

Let's jump to the 1840 Federal Census for Waterford Twp., Washington Co., Ohio. Abram Birdcell is listed as head of household. Included in his household is a male, age under five (correlates to John H who is 13 in the 1850 Federal Census), a male, age 5-10 (correlates to William who is 17 in the 1850 Federal Census), a male, age 30-40 (correlates to Abram, head of household born about 1805), a female, age under five (correlates to Jane who is 11 in the 1850 Federal Census), two females, age 5-10 (correlates to Letitia who is 16 in the 1850 Federal Census and an Unknown, who coule be the under five listed in 1830 census and given the wrong age here or someone completely unknown) and a female, age 20-30, probably Margaret when combined with other documentation and her age was marked wrong.

We're not finished with 1840 though. Several pages earlier, Martin Birdcell is listed as head of household. Included in his household is a male, age 15-20 (their youngest son) and another male, age 20-30 (correlates to Reuben in the 1850 Federal Census), plus a male in Martin's age group and a female in Mary's age group.

Now we come to the 1850 Federal Census. Where is Margaret? She died in 1842 and is buried at Delong/Ross/Relief Cemetery in Waterford Twp, Washington Co., Ohio.

There are five Birdsell's buried in that cemetery. In 1930 there was a reading of the tombstones. Listed were: Sarah G. Birdsell, b. 1828, d. 1828. Margaret, b. 1808, d. 1842. Two sons of Abram and M (no dates on this reading). Reuben b. 1847, d. 1848.

In 1970 there was another reading of the headstones of that same cemetery. Those listed this time were: Infant son of A. and M.F. Birdsell. Died 1840. Infant son of A. and M.F. Birdsell. Died 1842. Margaret F., wife of Abram Birdsell. Died 9 November 1812 (1842?). Aged 31 years,  10 months and 3 days. Reuben, son of J.H. and C. Birdsell. Died 6 September 1848. Age 1 year.

There are two problems between the 1930 reading and the 1970 reading. Sarah G. Birdsell is gone from the 1970 reading. In 1930 Margaret's dates are 1808-1842. How can this be? It takes some detective work, but any good genealogist is a good detective, too.

I contacted the Lower Muskingham Historical Society and asked if they had a volunteer who would be willing to go out to the cemetery to photograph the headstones. I always make this request with an offer to pay the volunteer or make a donation to the society. It's the proper thing to do. In this case, Sue Trotter, answered the call. She went to the cemetery. Since it's on private property owned by a utility company and one has to cross railroad tracks, an escort is required. When she got to the cemetery she discovered only a handful of headstones were still readable.

She explained to me that the headstones there were made of sandstone and after about a 100 years they begin to chip and flake off chunks. Over time, they crumble and completely disappear. That is the case for the majority of headstones in that cemetery. They are gone. They did not survive the time they were erected through April of 2012 when she visited the cemetery.

Using this new information, once realizes the dates from the 1930 readings are more accurate than the dates from the 1970 reading, since the stones were forty years younger in 1930. It's reasonable to assume that since Sarah G Birdsell's tombstone was erected probably in 1828 or 1829, it had completely crumbled by 1970 and that is why her reading is missing from the 1970 reading.

Even in 1970 the readers questioned the date of 1812 on Margaret and included the date of 1842 with a question mark. Especially since the two infants were born in 1840 and 1842 and their markers claim them as the son of A. and M.F. Birdsell. When one realizes that sandstone chips and flakes off, it's reasonable to suspect that the original date was 1842 and enough of the date flaked off to make the four appear as a one. If one takes Margaret's age of 31 years, 10 months and 3 days, it gives her a date of birth of about 6 Jan 1812. But if you compare that to the dates on the 1930 reading, they had her year of birth as 1808. It's likely that the age should have read 34 years, 10 months and 3 days. There is enough reason to suspect that the same affect on the 4 in 1842 happened to the 4 in 34 years. If that's the case, then it would give Margaret a date of birth of about 6 Jan 1808, making the 1808-1842 from the 1930 reading accurate.

Again, one needs to keep in mind that the 1930 readings were from markers that were easier to read then than in 1970.

Now we have an approximate date of birth for Margaret. It's possible, but not probable that she ever married Reuben. Two reasons, the first there is no marriage record of her marriage to him. There's a marriage record of her marriage to Abram. There's a marriage record of Abram's second marriage. There's a marriage record of Martin's youngest son. There's a marriage record of Abram's two daughters. There is no marriage record for Reuben and anyone in Ohio. The second reason why it's very unlikely is it appears Margaret was ten years older than Reuben. Reuben was 24 years old when Margaret died. Reuben was 14 or 15 when William was born. It's not reasonable, or logical to believe a 24 or 25 year old female married a 14 or 15 year old male. It's even more unreasonable to believe she left his older brother, who we have documentation that she did marry, for his younger brother. Even more unrealistic is that in 1842 when she died, Abram was able to overlook any such transgression and list himself as her husband on her headstone.

Adding additional doubt to Reuben being William's father is the fact he did not have his own household in 1840. He was still in Martin's household and there is no male listed there that is William's age, nor a female of child bearing years. Adding additional speculation that Abram and Margaret Carolle Birdsell were the parents of William Birdsell is the death certificate for Lucy Jane Birdsell Pettibone. Lucy Jane is the Jane listed in the 1850 Federal Census as Jane, age 11. She married John H Pettibone and had several children. Lucy Jane died 1 Sep 1924. Her death certificate lists Abraham Birdsell as her father.

That is how I came to the conclusion that the parents of William Birdsell, born 24 Nov 1832, was Abram/Abraham and Margaret Carolle Birdsell. I have included most of the records that I have in my possession. The cemetery readings from 1930 and 1970 were obtained from the Washington County Historical Society in Marietta, Ohio.

The only marriage record I've found for a Reuben Birdsell was in 1858 in Missouri. By 1858, William was married and had a son of his own.

When making statements, one needs to have documents that support the statements. The only interest I have in determining which household William was born into is learning more about my ancestors. I did not start the journey biased toward one man over the other. They were both gone long before my birth.

However, the marriage record, the early Federal Census and the readings from the headstones point to a strong belief that William was born to Abram and Margaret. The only document that brings Reuben into the equation is Reuben and William are in the same household in 1850. That document alone is not enough to prove Reuben was his father. However, the evidence that supports Abram and Margaret offer more proof than the one census.

How do you prove your statements when others disagree? And for those who disagree with my statement about William's parentage, I'm willing to consider other options, but please back it up with documents that I can review.

The things left unsaid...for now

I've titled, written and deleted about five different posts this morning.

How do I say what I really want to say without offending? I can't. So, I write, delete and try again.

There are things that are best left unsaid. Some of them are best left unsaid forever. Some are best left unsaid for a period of time.

Will I ever say what I want to say at this moment? I don't know. Probably. Possibly.

But for now, I'll leave things unsaid. 

Or not.

There are two words I'm struggling with at this moment.

The first word is family. This is the definition I mean when I use the term family: 3. A group of persons sharing common ancestry.

The second word that is weighing heavy on my heart today is exclusion. A keeping apart.

In my heart, I believe that anytime the second word is used the first word is voided. 

These two words void out the other when used together. 

Maybe I did finally say what has been weighing heavily on my heart for so long now. 

When exclusion is practiced, there is no family.

A family has no desire for exclusion.

You can't have both. You can have one or the other. But not both.

Commonly overlooked resources

The two resources available to me that started me on this road of genealogy are my mother's records and the internet. 

My goal was to preserve her records, nothing more. It did not include adding to her records. Gulp. So much for that one. 

Because I spent many years watching my mother acquire all her records the old fashioned way, via snail mail or visiting local repositories, I was aware that both methods were valid ways to obtain family data. 

I'll admit, when I first started digitizing my mother's records I was amazed at all the records that are now available online. Every US Federal Census from 1790-1940 that has survived is available online. That's pretty amazing. 

Each day more and more states are adding vital records to online data bases. Some states have digitized personal and property tax documents. Some old newspapers are available online. 

The list is endless to what is available online. 

The stagering fact is that out of all the millions, even billions, of records available online, about 90% of records are still not online. While 100% of the US Federal Census from 1790-1940 are online, the vital records from the states that are available online are no more than 10%. Ditto personal and property tax records. I'm not sure if I've ever found any school records online. So that resource is pretty close to 0% being online. 

In Jewell County, where my ancestors settled, none of the tax records or vital records are online. None of the school records are online. I discovered yesterday that some of the newspapers are online, but it's just a drop in the bucket at this stage. Just one teeny tiny drop in a very large bucket. 

One of the most overlooked resources are the county courthouses, genealogical societies and historical societies. Even with all the modern gadgets we have there is still one way to reach out to these places, snail mail or the phone. Call the county courthouse in the area where you are having problems. Ask who has the old death and birth records. Ask them the best way to initiate a request for a search. Sometimes while you are talking to a human being who actually lives in the area where your ancestors lived, you can learn little things about the area. Why did your ancestor leave the area? In my case, I learned that the soil could no longer support the requirements of the growing population so many moved on to more fertile areas. I've even asked some of the local courthouses where my ancestors lived if they know if there is anyone by the surname still in the area. 

The people working or volunteering in the local repositories (and that's what a courthouse, genealogical society and historical society is to the genealogist...a repository) are usually proud of their area. They love the area where they live and they love sharing some of that information with those of us who can't visit there in person. 

Once you get past the county level, there is usually a state level genealogical society and historical society. Plus most of the more current vital records are kept on the state level. 

However, the most commonly overlooked resource is ourselves. It's our ability to use our reasoning to evaluate if the information we've acquired makes sense. 

There are many more overlooked resources. I'll share them as I think of them. In the meantime, happy ancestor hunting.

Today

Today Leo Eugene Birdsell was laid to rest. He fought a brave and galant battle since the beginning of 2012 with cancer. Through it all he never lost his sharp wit or his keen sense of humor. Thankfully, he was rewarded with very little pain until the last day.

May he rest in peace.

My uncle Leo, just like his brother, my father, and his sister, my aunt, were defined by an event that happened when they were very young. Uncle Leo was 2, Dad was 4 and Aunt Inez was 6 when their mother died. Many, and I've been guilty of this very same thing, believed this was extremely tragic. Yes, the death of a mother at such a young age was tragic. Heartbreaking even.

However, as much as it might have defined those three children for so many, those three children did not let it define who they were for themselves.

Most of us can't imagine growing up without our mother. For those three, they would have loved to have had her, but they also didn't completely understand why a child should only have two parents, since they had three. Their father and their late mother's parents. All three of those who loved Thelma the most raised her children. All three were grateful that their father, my grandfather, had the presence of mind to ask his in-laws to come out of retirement and help him raise his children.

There's nothing to do except admit the death of Thelma was tragic.

However, what seems to have gotten lost in this is that is the only part of the story of Roscoe, Thelma, George, Addie, Inez, Dale and Leo that was tragic.

The lives of those three children that Thelma brought into the world and gave to the world was anything but tragic. They were joyous lives. They had wonderful lives. Yes, they had hardships throughout their long lives, but overall, their lives were great lives. Lives that were celebrated by many. Aunt Inez never married, but she spent her whole life raising (by teaching) over 40 years of children in the town of Jewell. She helped shape and mold many into better human beings. My dad spent his life nurturing not only his family, but the land. He cared for each, the land and family with the same respect and care, therefore each gave back to him all he expected of it and more. Uncle Leo raised his sons, worked hard for the county and spent his free time with his wife, his family, watching all the local kids at one sporting event or another.

These three children who did have a tragic start in life, had anything but a tragic life. They gave of themselves to so many and in return are mourned by so very many. Family and friends.

Today, we celebrated the life that my uncle lived. But I'm taking this time to celebrate the long life of Roscoe, George, Addie, Inez, Dale, Leo and especially the short but important life of Thelma who gave us Inez, Dale and Leo. Without all of them, many of us who are mourning for the youngest child or Roscoe and Thelma would not be here today.

Rest in peace Uncle Leo. Now you can ask Grandpa George the one question you wanted me to find the answer to when I went to LeRoy. How did he meet Grandma Addie? I'll be waiting for that answer when I see you again.

Little did I know

Last night as I struggled to finally write the blog post about the last one standing, I had no idea that this morning the torch of the most senior generation of the direct descendants of Roscoe and Thelma would be passed on to me, my siblings and my two cousins.

I did know Uncle Leo was not in good shape. I suspected he would not be here to bid summer farewell and welcome autumn.

This morning, around 0930, Uncle Leo Eugene Birdsell went to join his parents, his brother and his sister and all the ancestors.

Rest in peace. I'm going to miss you.

The Last One Standing

I've attempted to write this particular post several times. In fact, I wrote it, posted it and deleted it.

For some reason, I know what I want to say, but how to say it keeps escaping my fingertips.

A lot of life is about preparing. The first few years of our life our parents prepare us with the necessary skills so we can go to school. First there is potty training and weaning. Then social skills. We learn how to play with other children. Once we get to school we learn things which is really just that teacher preparing us for the next grade we'll move to. On it goes. Kindergarten, grade school, middle school (or junior high when I was in school), high school. From there some stop with formal education. Some go to a trade school, others to a community college, others to a four year school.

All of that is to prepare us for the real world. We're also still learning about how to interact with others and play nicely, or not. We're probably learning what we want in a mate. We're learning if we want children or not. But each step is preparing us for the next phase of our life.

One thing I've never heard anyone discuss or state they spent all their life preparing to be the last one standing.

Louise Eunice Knight Dietz was one such person. I doubt if she prepared for it. One day it just happened. Richard Lee Knight was also thrown into the roll of the last one standing. So was Leo Eugene Birdsell. Unless there is a disaster that takes a whole family at one time, or unless one is an only child, each generation has the last one standing.

What is the last one standing? It's pretty obvious. It's the last one out of your parents, you and your siblings. It's the last one left. No longer is there anyone left who lived in the same household as you when you were a child.

How can one prepare for such a thing? On one level, you can't. I doubt if any of those who were the last ones left ever thought about it until the day when they were the only one left.

Sure, they had their children, their cousins, other family. But they're the last of that generation that are a direct descendant of their parents. Some will even be the last of that generation who are direct descendants of their grandparents. And some the last of that generation of their great grandparents.

Wait, we're not even close to that stage yet. Right? Most of us aren't. In my family, my parents are gone, I have all my siblings. I have one living blood line uncle. The day is rapidly approaching when he will join his parents and brother and sister. That leaves my siblings, myself, and my uncles two sons as the senior generation of the direct descendants of our shared grandparents. It's a very sobering thought.  Especially since my siblings, myself and our four living cousins on our mother's side of the family are the senior generation of direct descendants for that set of grandparents.

The worst part isn't that it reminds us of our own mortality. The worst part is all those wonderful people and their personalities, memories and history are gone, too.

But they don't have to be. Even if you've lived a busy life and forgot to include immediate and extended family. You can always stop and start including all those people still living into your life. It really is that simple. You might have one or two who wonder what you're up to, but for the most part, they'll welcome you back with open arms. That's what family does.

Do you miss Uncle Paul and Aunt Ethel? Do you wish you could hear more about them and their life? Well, since you can't talk to them, you can talk to their children. Or their grandchildren.

Is there anyone left of the generation before you of your grandparents direct descendants? If so, get to know them if you don't. If not, get to know their children. Then go up to your great grandparents. How many of their direct descendants are still living? You'll be amazed at all the relatives you find. Plus even some that are a more senior generation than you are.

The great thing about family, you can keep going back a generation to the common relative, the next one being all of your great, great grandparents and all of their direct descendants. You'll find so many relatives that you never dreamed that you had. You'll hear family stories about people that will amaze you. You'll forget that you're the senior generation of your parents direct descendants.

And then if the day arrives and you are the last one standing, you won't feel alone. Because you've embraced all of your extended family. You won't be the only one that is the last one standing. You'll realize that your fourth cousin Herbert is also the last one standing and so is cousin Mary, and even cousin Lou and cousin Connie. With that many who are interacting with you, you won't feel like the last one standing. Because you aren't. You have all this wonderful family surrounding you.

Even if you aren't the last one standing, finding and developing relationships with those distant cousins, either distant through lineage or through space, will mean that when you go there are that many more people who will share memories about you. When it's all over, that's all we can really leave behind. The memories of us that others carry in their hearts and share with their loved ones.

Your assignment is to contact a relative that you typically don't stay in touch with. Reopen that branch of your family tree.

Disclaimer: I'm not doing genealogy because I think I'll be the last one standing. If I am the last one standing my siblings will be pissed since I'm the only smoker out of all of us. :-)