Our Responsibility

As a genealogist we have many responsibilities. We MUST respect the wishes of our living relatives. If they don't want their information shared, then we can't share it. They have their right to privacy. We don't have to understand or like with their decision, but we do have to respect their decision.

Not only do we have to respect the information our living relatives give us and ask us not to share with the world, we have to respect our living relatives, period.

In genealogy we spend the majority of our time researching those who are long gone. We share that information with our living relatives. We do this for not only ourselves, but for our living relatives. After all, there is nothing a genealogist likes more than sharing with others. It's our biggest thrill. Too many times we find a document that we didn't think we'd ever find and we shout it out to anyone who will listen. Most of us have learned, a large percentage of our living relatives don't really want to listen.

Still, there is no reason to make public any skeletons that will hurt the living. In most cases it would hurt the innocent living.

One case, in at least one branch of the family a somewhat distant relative was never allowed to be alone with young girls. There was a reason for this. This relative is gone. However, this relative still has immediate family who are very much alive.

This case is a pretty easy one for the genealogist. There is no reason to document anything negative about this particular relative. I heard a first hand report from one person. There are no records, no charges were filed, no conviction. At this point and since most of the parties involved have passed on, it's hearsay and nothing more. There is no written record, or statement from anyone who claimed to have been assaulted by this person. Do I believe what was told to me? Yes. I do believe it. But I can't prove it, nor will I spend any time trying to prove it. Innocent people could be hurt.

I'm not a genealogist so I can hurt people.

Would my responsibility be different if there were actual records, statements or a conviction? Yes and no. The first question I would ask myself, would I hurt the living? If the answer is yes, then I would not go after those documents. Especially if some of the living that I'd hurt were victims, too.

If there were a conviction, the truth is, those records are public records. They just aren't public records I'd opt to find myself. Not if it hurt any living relative. If they were sent to me, they'd go in the large file of information that I haven't had time to sort yet. My guess is they'd remain there until my successor found them.

The next question that comes to mind: What if someone hired me to research their family and I found something like that in their family? Then I have to present all that I find to the person who did the hiring. It's not up to me to determine what they use regarding their family. It is up to me to present them with the information they hired me to find.

Genealogy is about facts, but it's about facts pertaining to our families. All of us are members of our families first. We have a responsibility to our family. Does this mean I hide facts. Some will say yes. Some will agree with me, what I'm doing is selecting some items that won't come out of my "to do" pile during my lifetime.

Another example, I have a copy of a marriage record of an ancestor. This marriage record is about 175 years old. No one involved is living. No one who knew any of those directly involved are living. Yet the copy of the marriage record is just there. If it's the same person of my ancestor there's a good chance that this ancestor was a bigamist. The reality is: with what's available today, there is no way for me to prove this person is my ancestor, nor is there any way for me to prove this person is not my ancestor. There were many people in that area of the country and that time frame with the same first and surname as my ancestor. Perhaps not in that county, but in that state. It's not worth my time to prove or disprove if this ancestor was a bigamist. The record is in my pile of records. I haven't hidden it. I haven't destroyed it. I'm just not going to work on proving or disproving this record since what's available would make it impossible to prove or disprove.

For those of you who don't do genealogy, right now that marriage record is nothing more than a piece of paper. By itself, it proves nothing, other than a man by one name married a woman by one name on a specific date at a specific location. Since one of the parties had a fairly common name, that piece of paper does not prove it's my ancestor, nor does it disprove it's my ancestor. Until it's been proven or disproved that paper has no business being shared as a family document.

My responsibility to my whole family, not just one or two branches, is to spend my time gathering information on as many people as possible. Spending years trying to dig up scandals or disproving a possible scandal on a handful of ancestors is not the best use of my time. If any of the various family members want only the scandals or only the squeaky clean parts of the family, they can do their own genealogy research.

My goal is to get the most facts on as many people as possible, while making sure I treat not only those who have passed on with respect, but also those who are still living.

Do you agree or disagree that I'm doing things wrong by not making public all the information I have? Or do living relatives have the right to ask for privacy concerning themselves and any unpleasant information they've shared with me?